SCHOOL & FRIENDSHIPS
How to Teach Children to Solve Conflicts
A short problem-solving routine children can use for toys, turns, space, and different play ideas.
Regulate before solving
If children are grabbing, hitting, or screaming, move close and stop the unsafe action. Use few words until bodies are calmer. Problem solving begins only when each child can listen at least briefly.
Use the same four-step script
Try: What happened? What does each person need? What ideas could work? Which idea will we try? Repeat each child’s message without deciding who is the “bad” child. Young children may need you to offer two reasonable choices before they can invent one.
- Stop and make it safe
- Hear both messages
- Name the shared problem
- Think of two solutions
- Try one and check back
Practice through stories and pretend play
Use dolls or book characters to rehearse waiting, trading, joining, asking for space, or repairing a mistake. Notice real success later: “You both wanted the truck, and you made a turn plan.” Specific feedback helps children remember the process.
WHAT TO DO NEXT
A simple plan to begin
- Choose one four-step problem-solving script
- Practice it with toys
- Offer two choices when children are stuck
- Notice successful repair afterward
COMMON QUESTIONS
Helpful answers before you go
Should I make children apologize?
A forced word may not repair the harm. Help the child check on the other person and choose a meaningful action—returning an item, helping rebuild, getting ice, or trying again safely.
What if one child always gives in?
Slow the process and make sure both needs are heard. Adult support is still necessary when there is a power imbalance, repeated targeting, or a safety concern.
TRUSTED SOURCES
Official guidance and product information
Product specifications can change. Confirm current details with the manufacturer before buying.
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